How A Husband Can Draw His Wife Closer to Him Everyday

How A Husband Can Draw His Wife Closer to Him Everyday

Almost every husband I know (including me!) needs to be better at drawing their spouse closer to them. There, I said it.

After 25 years of marriage, I consider my marriage to be very good (mostly because I have an amazing wife!). But I still need to be closer.

I also want to be.

My wife and I recently entered the “empty nest” stage of our marriage, which has brought about an entirely new dynamic to our relationship. In a phrase, it’s been awesome!

Yes, we miss our boys (one is at college in Chicago, one serving in a ministry in Australia), and we are still actively engaged with their lives. But we are enjoying our time just focusing on us, on projects we’ve long put off, and on discovering a new stage in our marriage and family.

And we’ve discovered that we are closer than ever.

The truth is, however, that every stage of marriage requires intentionality in order to draw and stay close. And husbands, we need to take the lead. We ought to diligently work at drawing our spouses closer.

I have found that there are several things that I can be intentional about to draw my spouse closer to me every day.

How A Husband Can Draw His Wife Closer to Him Everyday

Love them Unconditionally

One of the simplest, most directs commands in the Bible is to husbands:

“Husbands, love your wives…” Ephesians 5:25a

It’s really not too complicated, guys. But sometimes we make it complicated. We make it about leading. We make it about their submission. We make it about happiness. Or any number of other things.

But it’s about loving our spouse unconditionally. How do I know that? Because the verse goes on to say:

“…just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” Ephesians 5:25b

In other words, there is no reason – none, zero, nada – that is good enough for a husband not to love his wife. Period.

Our love is to be unconditional. It is not subject to anything our wife does or doesn’t do. We are simply to love them.

So what does that look like? I think each of us can answer that if we really think about it. But, in short, it means to put her needs and desires above yours.

Jesus “…gave Himself up for her.”

That’s the model. And God commands me to follow it.

When I do, it will naturally draw her closer to me.

One of the simplest, most directs commands in the Bible is, 'Husbands, love your wives...' #Marriage Click To Tweet

Listen to them Purposefully

Anyone who knows my wife knows that she is a talker. In fact, I often say that I married Michele so that I wouldn’t have to talk at parties (and it worked!).

But any wife, whether an expressive extrovert or a quiet introvert, needs to be heard. We need to listen to our wives.

And we need to listen purposefully, that purpose being to hear what they are saying and the meaning behind those words.

Not superficially.

Not with an agenda.

Not in order to twist their words to meet our own needs and desires.

We simply need to listen. Intently and purposefully.

We need to listen so that we can better love them unconditionally.

When I do, it will naturally draw her closer to me.

Husbands, listen to your wife so that you can better love her unconditionally. #Marriage Click To Tweet

Learn from them Proactively

I’m probably like most husbands: I hate it when my wife is right and I am wrong.

Unfortunately, it happens more than I care to admit!

The truth is, my wife has a lot of good things to say, a lot of great insight, and many fantastic ideas.

And if I would listen to her better I would learn a lot. And my life would be better for it!

But it’s not just the good things she has to say that I need to learn about. It’s the hurt, the fear, the desires, the deepest longings of her heart.

I need to learn what is important to her at that moment. And I need to pursue that knowledge proactively so that I can then respond to that knowledge actively.

When I do, it will naturally draw her closer to me.

As a husband, I need to continually learn what is important to my wife at that moment. #Marriage Click To Tweet

Limit the Lamenting

I admit, I can be a whiner. Please don’t ever ask my wife about my behavior when I’m sick! Most husbands I know are whimps when it comes to being sick…and I’m right there with them.

But sometimes I don’t limit my whining to when I’m sick. I can be a great whiner at other times, as well.

And the more I whine, the more my lamentations fall on deaf ears.

I need to limit the lamenting, in part, because it pushes my wife away from me and causes me to be unable to love unconditionally and lead my family successfully.

When I do, it will naturally draw her closer to me.

Tip for husbands: limit the lamenting. #Marriage Click To Tweet

Laugh with them…a Lot!

We have always laughed a lot as a family. My sons have a great sense of humor and fun and laughter have always been a part of who we are as a family.

But it’s important to find ways to have fun and laugh with your wife. Make her smile, make her roll her eyes at you, crack her up, and bring enjoyment to her.

Do you know how to do those things? And do you work at doing them…together?

You might ask yourself:

  • what are 5 things that brings a smile to my wife’s face?
  • what makes her giggle?
  • what environment cause her to relax and let go of her daily stress?
  • what are the activities that she can’t wait to get to?

Now, are you actively finding ways to do these things?

When I do, it will naturally draw her closer to me.

Guys, are you actively finding ways to laugh more with your wife? You should be! #Marriage Click To Tweet

What have you learned that husbands can do to
draw their wife closer to them everyday?

(please share in comments below)

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